GoT Recap: What the Hell Was That

Monadnock Underground Staff and Friends React to Season 8, Episode 3 LIVE

Chris: WHO IS READY FOR SOME ACTION?

Given that I’m expecting beginning to ending battle, this will likely be a different sort of live chat hahahahaha

Jesse: 🌑

Teka: OK everyone is going to die!

Chris: The bells will be tolling, mourning will be had.

Zoë: 96 minutes of CARNAGE!

John: I’m sure it won’t be that bad.

Teka: Previously on the Sopranos….

Sorry wrong HBO show where everyone dies…

Chris: John thinks Tony lives.

John: Of course he does!

Teka: He is alive and well and 10 years older than he should be in Newark.

Jesse: I watched the three previous to catch up. I’m fucking invested.

Zoë: Oooh new opener!

Or has Last Hearth always been there? Maybe I wasn’t paying attention.

Chris: No, I don’t think it has.

Jesse: I’m finishing my drink if there’s a zombie rising in the crypt.

Chris: Oh, if we could all be so lucky.

I am looking for Varys.

John: So who’s going to come in at the last minute to turn the tide?

Jesse: Giants. I’m told there’s giants.

Zoë: I think they’re all dead now 😰

Chris: It’s true, but yeah I think they’re all dead — and they’re in the army of the dead.

Zoë: Bran’s going to turn the tide with some vision magic situation.

Chris: They sure are setting this up very ominously.

Teka: They wouldn’t kill the dog, right?

John: They like killing dogs.

A lot.

Chris: It’s happened before!!

Here we go.

Are they having a picnic on that hill?

Zoë: Picnicking while watching battles was a thing during the Civil War, so.

John: The Red Woman!

Chris: I KNEW she’d be back.

Jesse: Dope.

Teka: So if she has superpowers, then why do they have to all die?

Jesse: Fire swords.

Chris: Whoa

Zoë: Jorah’s like…can I have a fire sword too, or….

Teka: Maybe how power is like wifi and she can only work within a certain range….or maybe her superpower is like Spring, which doesn’t work in NJ.

Chris: Yeah I dunno, she’s had some pretty big screw-ups before though so maybe she’s just not perfect with it.

Teka: Like Bluetooth in the early aughts…lol

Chris: Hahaha yeah it’s a young technology.

Whoa, why’s she staring at Arya?

Zoë: The Many-Faced God and the Lord of Light don’t get along?

Teka: I like Arya, but if I were in that world, I wouldn’t like her, because she might kill me, because why not? To still be alive you have to have done something that makes your death completely just.

Jesse: Well, fuck.

John: Bye bye Dothraki.

Zoë: Damn.

Chris: Well that was fast,

Zoë: Now we’ll have zombie Dothraki.

Chris: The Dothraki aren’t even FROM Westeros. They get stuck on the front lines.

John: Well those fire swords were good for absolutely nothing.

Chris: I don’t think Ghost even came back.

Jesse: Oh shit!

Teka: “I’m more than just great hair….”

Jesse: Fuck no.

Brienne and Torbjorn are my OTP.

Chris: This is fucked.

John: Dragon riders!

Zoë: You’re gonna piss off the Brienne/Jaime people, Jesse.

Jesse: Fuck’em.

Chris: GET EM! GET EM!!

Teka: If you don’t know how to use a knife you probably should definitely go down to the basement….

Chris: Oh no.

Teka: You can tell your people you were watching it on Google Hangout.

Jesse: I took a drink every time someone went to the crypt last time.

Teka: No, Zoom, she’s rich…

Sam need to go to the basement too…

Come now, let us all be real, he knows who he is, he needs to go down and watch this battle on Zoom.

John: Edd is dead, baby.

Edd is dead.

Jesse: People are finally in the fucking crypt.

Zoë: THERE’S Varys!

Chris: Finally.

Course I had walked out of the room at the time.

Zoë: Don’t worry, he’s “safe” in the crypt.

Chris: She could have at least given the Unsullied fire, too.

John: Fire trench time.

Zoë: Calling Grey Worm as first Important Casualty.

John: Edd!!!

Teka: I will take that bet.

Zoë: Ahh, yeah, ok, Edd is sorta important.

Doesn’t tug the heartstrings like Grey Worm.

John: Here comes Melisandre for some more insta-fire.

Chris: About time, like what the hell, was she taking a bath?

Teka: She had an important FB post.

Jesse: I asked someone here what the deal is with the red lady, and they were like, “that’s gonna take a while.”

Chris: Yeah, there’s no way to summarize that.

She’s with the Lord of Light religion.

Zoë: She resurrected Jon Snow, but also killed some people with shadow magic.

Teka: That looks like Penn Newark, waiting for the light rail.

John: I bet that fire trick is a blast at parties.

Chris: Stephen Tower does it sometimes, I hear.

John: “At least we’re already in a crypt” — Varys

Chris: hahaha thank you, Varys.

John: Line of the night so far.

Chris: Aww, sweet moment between the former couple.

Throwin’ shade in the crypt.

One more reckoning!

Zoë: Here we GO!

This is what I’ve been waiting for in this episode tbh

Chris: well, YEAH!

Jesse: Zombie Dragon

Teka: OH fucking great. I guess if you’re a zombie, you can spare a few of your friends to put out the fire….fuck.

Jesse: There’s fucking enough of them.

Chris: haha I hadn’t considered that.

Zoë: That….was way too easy.

Chris: Come on, man, I thought fire trenches were a great idea.

Jesse: I was gonna say, I hadn’t see any zombie trebuchets, why not stick to the walls to begin with.

Zoë: No, I’m saying too easy for them! I feel like an idiot now hahahaa

Chris: NEVER MIND.

Yeah, I know.

Me too.

Grey Worm is still alive

Jesse: Some boiling oil maybe? They don’t seem fit to repel Danes, much less zombies.

Chris: Like is Melisandre out of tricks already?

TIME FOR SOME TRICKS

This is ugly.

Teka: That giant is like my tax bill this year.

Jesse: See! Giants!

Chris: Haha yep, you called that.

John: Well, zombie giants are terrifying.

Jesse: I am thoroughly disappointed.

John: Lyanna would take down a giant.

Chris: YEAH!!

Jesse: Pluck defeating zombie giants feels off model.

Teka: We knew Lady Mormont was going to die, because that was the point of her character, so they don’t have to kill Arya…lol

Chris: Where’s all the Bran-ravens?

John: Arya is playing Resident Evil rn

Jesse: Raven-bran. There’s a joke about cereal in there somewhere.

John: This is tense.

Jesse: I hope in my heart of hearts they have the fucking huevos to go “everybody dies, zombies win, game over.”

Chris: I mean it’s moving fast in that direction, I can’t believe how fast Winterfell fell.

And if they DO somehow beat the dead, Cersei’s plan is looking preeeeettty great right now.

Zoë: Looks like the exposure therapy is working ok for the Hound.

John: We deserve a Hound/Dondarrion buddy comedy.

Chris: hahahahaha

Beric.

John: So much for that.

Pour one out for the original fire wight.

Jesse: F

Chris: Is this episode gonna end with the Night king doing his hand raising thing and everyone stands up again?

Zoë: You don’t think we get another resurrection out of this?

Jesse: !!!

Zoë: Guess not.

NOT TODAY!

Chris: OH SHIT

John: MELISANDRE WAS SYRIO FOREL

HERE’S MY FANFIC TO PROVE IT

Chris: Wait where’s she GOING though?

Zoë: oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Jesse: Cash money this will be a theme park ride.

Chris: WHOAA

John: He’s gonna pull a Luke Skywalker.

Jesse: …?

Just thinking that.

John: Night King bout to dust his shoulder off.

Chris: Where is raven-Bran?

Jesse: I’m literally rooting for everyone.

Teka: You can’t do the Terminator.

Jesse: !!!!!!!!!

Zoë: Chris called it!

Jesse: Maximum.

Investment.

Chris: We still have 20 mins left !!

Zoë: He’ll do it again in 20 mins.

Jesse: Night King OP

Chris: Oh no, everyone’s getting up, Jesus.

Oh, poor zombie Lyanna.

He just WALKS AWAY.

Jesse: WHAT’D I SAY

John: RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE

Jesse: DRINK FUCKING FINISHED MOTHER FUCKER

Chris: Oh SHIT

Oh SHIIITTT

Zoë: This was the second thing I’ve been waiting for this episode.

Chris: You said EXACTLY that.

Ohh, Gilly!

BRAN WHERE ARE YOU?

Jesse: I called Sophia in the barn in TWD, man. I have a sixth sense for this shit.

Teka: So they are raising the people in the crypts, I mean I would have thought about that.

Zoë: I just SAW him, what the hell is he DOING?

Jesse: No emoji for this face.

John: They’re gonna eat Drogon.

Zoë: oh my GOD!

John: Of course Jorah saves her.

Jesse: Every time someone doesn’t die, I get sad.

Christopher: COME ON KHALEESI!

Jesse: Bran.

Being Bran.

Bran’s gonna pull some deus ex Latin-for-bullshit, isn’t he?

Chris: I think so.

Jesse: I was really gunning for Sansa/Tyrion suicide pact.

Chris: haha I thought that’s what was about to happen for a second.

But then they would just become zombies so it’s really not a good option.

John: How are they gonna stop Thanos?

Jesse: Bri and Tor are the only ones I gave a fuck about making it out.

Chris: This is the craziest shit to ever air on television.

Zoë: I have no commentary, my mouth is seriously just hanging open.

Jesse: I mean, there was Max Headroom getting spanked with a fly swatter, Chris.

Christ: Why did Bran make him do that?

Zoë: Yeah, I’m puzzled…the whole speech about Theon being there for a reason…not sure exactly what that accomplished.

Chris: You have to be the last one to try and fail to kill the Night King.

So goeth the prophecy.

Jesse: Bran is time traveling Night King confirmed.

John: Holy shit

Jesse: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

Zoë: WHAT

Chris: holy SHIIIITTTT

Jesse: Fuck every part of this

Christ: oh my god

John: She literally told the god of death “not today.”

And used Littlefinger’s dagger.

Zoë: I WAS WONDERING

Chris: I didn’t even pick up on that.

John: BAELISH REDEEMED

Chris: haha what happens for the next three episodes?

Jesse: I am so mad.

John: Everyone just goes to PTSD counseling.

Chris: Yeah I’m a little mad, I wanted to like sit down and talk to the Night King.

We never get to hear that guy’s side.

Zoë: I still maintain his motives were misunderstood.

Chris: We’ll never know, will we!

Zoë: I’ll feel free to be even more sure in my semi-founded opinions.

Chris: I wanted to hear more from Melisandre, too.

She’s got info nobody else has.

wtf

Zoë: That fire ditch took a lot out of her.

John: Welp.

Chris: EXPLAIN THIS SHIT TO ME GUYS

What was this all about?

Jesse: This goes two ways: 1) zombies win, fuck everybody

2) get actual expansion on what’s up with Night King, etc.

Pluck should not defeat elemental evil and then credits roll.

Chris: I DEMAND ANSWERS

John: I wouldn’t call Arya plucky.

Chris: I mean that was the most intense 80 mins of TV I have ever watched so it’s not like I’m wholly disappointed, but THERE WERE NO ANSWERS HERE.

Jesse: Get fucking L0ST, Chris.

Zoë: I will say this, Jesse, Arya gives the appearance of nothing but pluck but there’s supernatural shit going on with her too.

John: She’s a legit psychopath.

Chris: Except Bran is NOT the Night King in time travel form.

Which is good because I hated that theory.

And don’t go there, Jesse.

I’m not willing to entertain that yet hahahaha

Ok, god damn it, NO.

Like everyone just picks up and gets back to the regular Westeros squabbles?

“NEVER MIND THE NIGHT KING, NBD”

Zoë: “Yep, Night King’s gone, guess it’s time to fight Cersei, nbd”

John: Night King was a plot device to make unseating Cersei more of a struggle.

Zoë: LOL Dragons would have made it too easy

Chris: Like guys

We don’t even know wtf the Bran ravens were doing all that time.

They didn’t even tell us THAT much.

Jesse: Fuck all, apparently.

Zoë: Bran was just seeing everything happen in the future so he could make Moving Statements to Theon.

That was the whole point.

Chris: There’s THREE episodes left, all extra long, there’s GOTTA be another big twist in here somewhere.

Jesse: Maybe the creators will tell me what was happening.

Chris: Haha I know, I’m smoking a cigarette before I ask them what I should think.

John: I like how Jon was kind of pointless in the whole thing.

Like what did he really do?

Chris: Ran around almost dying.

Zoë: Spoiler: “90 minutes of battle is hard to watch, so we broke it up a little.”

Chris: He did knock the fuckin Night King off the dragon, not that it made any difference.

It seemed impressive at the time.

Jesse: He mentioned the existence of the ravens, so maybe they didn’t forget.

John: A lot of people survived.

Christopher: TOO many I think.

John: None of the deaths were all that surprising.

Zoë: This episode explanation is complete bullshit.

John: Let’s see. Beric, Jorah, Edd, Theon.

Oh, Melisandre.

Chris: I’m watching the commentary now.

Zoë: I am highly concerned that Beric and Melisandre are both dead without getting to learn anything about the Lord of Light.

Chris: Haha he calls it “a culmination of one of the key storylines of the show”

yeah, TRUE, bro

TRUE

YES

John: That is true.

Chris: Doesn’t it seem KEY to know what the fuck is up with all the religions vis a vis this whole winter/death/White Walker thing?

John: This definitely culminated.

Chris: Do we have to talk to the Children of the Forest?

Zoë: Just wait until they talk about why Arya.

Chris: Supposedly they’re still out there on some island, maybe.

Is Arya The Prince That Was Promised?

It’s implied, but never said.

Zoë: It’s more like…Arya would be cool for this because it would be cool and unexpected.

I’m HIGHLY CONCERNED.

Chris: I am also concerned.

Impressed but concerned.

John: I mean I’ll be honest. I don’t mind not getting a ton of explanation.

Jesse: We’re SUBVERTING EXPECTATIONS.

Chris: I DEMAND ANSWERS, JOHN.

John: Like we know all we need to know about the White Walkers.

Chris: Ambiguity just leads people to think Tony is still alive.

And sober, apparently.

NO WE DON’T!

John: Same with the Lord of Light.

Zoë: I mean I don’t need like a complete Lord of Light theological treatise but killing the only characters who know ANYTHING about him..?

Chris: Give me the goddamn theological treatise.

Zoë: Just read the books already.

I don’t need it in the SHOW hahaha

Chris: I’m gonna do it when the show is over.

I’ve only read the first one.

John: We’ve had like 6 or 7 seasons of Melisandre, Beric, and others talking about the Lord of Light.

We know everything we need to.

Same with the White Walkers.

Chris: Yeah but like were they RIGHT? If so, why? Why does their religion come from Essos but the White Walkers don’t care about that place?

This story is so detailed and intricate, you can’t just leave DOZENS of loose threads hanging.

John: Yeah you can because they’re dead lol

Zoë: Then that is a bad story!

John: But it’s not like any of them knew the Lord of Light personally.

Zoë: Is the Lord of Light even a person? We don’t even know THAT.

John: They believed in a thing and their belief in it can be both proven true or false depending on perspective.

Chris: Like, do we need to rebuild the wall? Is this a cycle that repeats itself?

John: I don’t think so.

Chris:Like the Iron Throne is like a 300 year old story, while the whole Wall/Night King thing is like 5000 years old.

John: Night King was the head vampire and he got got.

Chris: It’s huge, you can’t just shrug it off and say like “that was weird, guess we don’t have to deal with the cold powers anymore.”

Zoë: Does winter not come anymore? Do their seasons in Westeros go back to normal length?

Chris: YEAH!

Those are my NEXT questions!

Zoë: There are implications for the everyday person here!

It’s not just like oh, the bad dude is dead, that’s cool.

Chris: Now it’s just Cersei and Euron we gotta deal with lol

Zoë: That’s the boring part of this story to me 😞

Chris: The whole Chekhov’s Crossbow thing is still alive though since Tyrion and Jamie are.

I liked that part of the story like 5 seasons ago but the stakes have been raised.

Zoë: I guess the Jon/Dany awkward situation has to be resolved.

Chris: You can’t ask me to just go back to regular battles and whatever palace intrigue is still possible.

Zoë: EXACTLY! I’m feeling some letdown here.

John: Yeah. They need group therapy.

I guess the North will do Reconstruction.

Zoë: If we don’t get answers, the best I can hope for is that it ends with the Night King resurrecting or the Children of the Forest making a new one or something and restarting the whole cycle.

Chris: Haha, yes.

Agreed 100%.

I would accept that.

John: It ends with some guy in a Members Only jacket going to the bathroom.

Chris: DOOOON’T STOP — —