Hostage Negotiation in Space

In the face of atrocity, those who claim the mantle of heroism mustn’t flinch from the difficult deals

Star Wars villains have taken over the cruise ship I’m aboard, and they’ve started murdering passengers — even children. I start to prowl the ship, using the Force here and there. I find myself in a restaurant where all the passengers are standing, the baddies holding guns to some of their heads.

I step forward with my hands up and tell the villains that I am willing to offer myself up sexually to let the captives go. Other people start echoing my offer. The enemy discusses for a moment, and then they accept.

I make my way down a long corridor lined with bunk beds. Each bed is occupied by a bad guy — some human, some alien. A pair of alien twins have strange, knobby faces with skin like the American flag. All of them eye me greedily, but I will not submit myself to them.

I fly over a wall to a restricted part of the ship, where I see piles of children’s toys. I realize they must have been made for the human children who had been held captive — children who had been murdered. I spot a mermaid tail blanket, and somehow deduce that it belongs to the one who made all the toys. At that moment I also realize that he is the one I want to give myself up to.

I fly around the corridor yelling, “Who is the one that makes the toys?” but nobody answers. I find myself in front of a door, and I know that it is his door. I somehow know that he had been kept inside the room behind it because they considered him to be very dangerous.

Shaking, I slowly open the door and call out softly, “Are you the one who makes the toys? I am not going to hurt you. I am here to make love to you.” The space is almost pitch black. I strain my eyes in the dark as I cautiously look to my right, but I see nothing. I turn my head to the left, and I see dark green shapes moving in the black. I realize that his hands are beckoning me.

I bravely step forward, and he takes my hands and leads me into his dark bedroom. His body is scaly, fish-like, and I can tell in the low light that his skin is a marbled aqua. He lays me on the bed and enters me. I hold his face in my hands and say, “It has been a very long time since you made love, hasn’t it?” He nods, slowly, and we continue, tenderly, into the night.